matt and I obviously have different goals. I want to get married. Why is this not a common goal. Someone help me understand.
Anyways. My birthday was awesome. I got my tattoo Friday night. Then Saturday Matt got a new truck. Afterwards we went to eat dinner at south point and we went shopping after dinner. Sunday we had my party at marts moms house. So many people came, it was so much fun. Except I drank too much wine and was asleep by like 8:30. Hahaha.
Last night I got my hair cut to my shoulders. Woww. But whatever it will grow backkk. And tonight kenia and I are cooking spaghetti and watching jersey shore.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
do you know what it feels like to hate EVERYTHING.
to hate everything around you. every person, every attitude, your job, your house, your situation. does anyone on earth know what that feels like. you dont want to. its something you cant control. you just have this negative attitude towards everything and everyone. everything thing makes you mad or upset. and you just feel like giving up. because giving up would be so much easier. but then you realize that you cant give up because that would effect everyone around you and that would be unfair. but your torn.. because who cares? its like your at a crossroads.. except for the fact that both ways is a train wreck. no one will ever understand. its like i am fighting myself all day everyday and tears could pour out at anytime.
its a constant battle, and im tired of fighting it.
it feels like im drowning, and no one can find a life jacket.
i think the worst part is that the people that are most important to me dont understand. all i hear is change your attitude, or dont let it bother you. or im tired of hearing you cry and whine. seriously? you have a lot of nerve.
to hate everything around you. every person, every attitude, your job, your house, your situation. does anyone on earth know what that feels like. you dont want to. its something you cant control. you just have this negative attitude towards everything and everyone. everything thing makes you mad or upset. and you just feel like giving up. because giving up would be so much easier. but then you realize that you cant give up because that would effect everyone around you and that would be unfair. but your torn.. because who cares? its like your at a crossroads.. except for the fact that both ways is a train wreck. no one will ever understand. its like i am fighting myself all day everyday and tears could pour out at anytime.
its a constant battle, and im tired of fighting it.
it feels like im drowning, and no one can find a life jacket.
i think the worst part is that the people that are most important to me dont understand. all i hear is change your attitude, or dont let it bother you. or im tired of hearing you cry and whine. seriously? you have a lot of nerve.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I've neglected this thing.
summing up like the past month. I still have my foster dog Annie. We got an ipad. I started doing all the Internet stuff for d-sass. I learned to dispatch at work, so I'm starting to work a few saturdays. Bj turned himself into rehab and somehow eneded up living with us.. which I am not very hppy about. and im still working the job I hate sitting beside a person that i hate. I got a root canal done last week and my jaw is still sore. Ahhhh :(
Since I've been so busy with everything I wish I could just find a home for Annie because I don't have time for this foster shit anymore. I have too much on my plate.. And trying to go or get her to an event every Saturday sucks. I just have too much going on.
When bj turned himself in Matt said he was just coming to stay on the couch for 3 days.. Somehow that turned into moving into the spare bedroom. I HATE it. Once again Matt and I don't have any alone time. I can't find anything in my kitchen. And I can never be alone. It's miserable. I thought Matt and I were finally settling down.. And then here comes bj. How many chances are you going to give someone seriously? I'm so sick of not having any say in anything. Call me selfish.. Whatever.
I'm miserable.
summing up like the past month. I still have my foster dog Annie. We got an ipad. I started doing all the Internet stuff for d-sass. I learned to dispatch at work, so I'm starting to work a few saturdays. Bj turned himself into rehab and somehow eneded up living with us.. which I am not very hppy about. and im still working the job I hate sitting beside a person that i hate. I got a root canal done last week and my jaw is still sore. Ahhhh :(
Since I've been so busy with everything I wish I could just find a home for Annie because I don't have time for this foster shit anymore. I have too much on my plate.. And trying to go or get her to an event every Saturday sucks. I just have too much going on.
When bj turned himself in Matt said he was just coming to stay on the couch for 3 days.. Somehow that turned into moving into the spare bedroom. I HATE it. Once again Matt and I don't have any alone time. I can't find anything in my kitchen. And I can never be alone. It's miserable. I thought Matt and I were finally settling down.. And then here comes bj. How many chances are you going to give someone seriously? I'm so sick of not having any say in anything. Call me selfish.. Whatever.
I'm miserable.
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