i am engaged to be married as of March 4th, 2012. what an amazing feeling that i waited (what feels like forever) to experience. it seems like time is flying by and November 10th will be here before i know it.
so many emotions are starting to play into this whole wedding planning thing. from day one ive been saying that my mother and sister will attend as guest, but now that i am actually having to go through with it, its tough. all this started when i found out that i was expected to be at my sister graduation. and not only would i be attending with my mother and her poentionaly gay boyfriend and his son. but also my grandmother from texas who hasnt spoken to me in a very long time. to make matters worse my father and step mother will be there. making this little get together extremely awkward, nerve-racking, and really just plain scary.
but here comes the part i dont quite understand - some idiotic part of me actually wants to go and see my grandmother. how can i feel so much anger towards certain people, yet i still have a desire to see them. and some how miss them. that makes no sense. i would love to see my sister graduate, but why? she doesnt even speak to me unless she needs something. and in case no one notice i have nothing left to give. and why should i go sit beside my grandmother to watch my sister graduate when my grandmother didnt even acknowledge when i graduated. will she even acknowledge that i am getting married. i havent even gotten a phone call, a card, a lettter. NOTHING congradulating me, or telling me how proud she is of me. i guess the truth is that i turned out just like my father, and he was never good enough for my mother OR for my grandmother. so i should expect nothing more than this.
im overwhelmed with this entire thing. i just want to stay in my cozzy little home eating easy mac until saturday has come and gone. too bad I have to live in reality. unlike my mother and sister. bad thing for them is that my reality is better than what they THINK their reality is.
switching off these emotions the best i can by drowning myself in a The Vampire Diaries marathon.
