IM ALREADYY TORN.

i'm not going to lie. i dont understand why im frustrated. actually i kind of do. it goes back to that whole, "i care if ANYONE is mad at me, no matter what their relationship with me is." im in between a rock and a hard place. matt makes me feel like he takes my side, but if me and larry sat down and talked about it.. there is no way matt would stand up for me against larry. which is pretty shitty considering he keeps telling me im right. also, this is not work drama. please leave it at home. this job is important to me. im an adult, and i like for people to see me as an adult. and thats exactly why when people come to me about the shit larry is saying, i respond with theres nothing to talk about, or its no ones business. what did i do that was so bad? try to keep a clean house, or get tired of cleaning up after larry? if its me that needs to move, so be it. im gone. but i pay money just like larry does. i deserve just as much as he does. im here to stay as long as matt wants me to stay.
 sidenote, that tuna sandwich and banana i had for lunch are NOT cutting it. hollaaa.

IVE NEVER HEARD SILENCE QUITE THIS LOUD

i just remembered one of the dreams i had like two weeks ago. chris goldston was in it and we were both technicans in the shop. and a really hot women was like our shop forman. and she kept saying that if chris' cheeks got any redder then he would need to go home because he was sick. and i was like thinking to myself that his cheeks are always red. idk, weird.

im having such a good day, even though it started off badly. i told matt a million times to put the dog in the krate when he goes to bed. guess what i woke up to this morning, PEE IN THE BED. i was irate. i mean seriously? i refuse to change the sheets.

i feel like it should be friday. today im making a list of all the new things we need to buy for the house. i figure if we start buying now we can build it all up by the time that we have time to work on it. aka, when larry moves out. which is like april, and i cant wait. but that makes sense right? when we have some extra money here and there, we can use it towards things for the house. HOLLA.

OH and i wanna see taylor swift in concert. <33333333

to hell with you and all your friendddds.

fuckkkkk. i wish i could remember my dreams. i hate when i wake up and tell my self to rememeber and later i cant. oh well. how about the other night i stopped at the walmart gas station to get cigarettes. and while im standing in line this awkward guys comes up and he is like  " they get pretty busy here dont they" and im like yahhh. so then hes like. how was your day? ummm fine. and he was hitting on me. and then he touched me AHHHHH i hate that shitt, you dont know me. so weird. he looked like he was on meth or something. gross.

me and matt got in a fight last night. sucks, but i was just trying to tell him how i feel. whatever, some people talk about their feelings AND SOME PEOPLE CRY. its called having emotions, or feelings. so appartantly its a promblem that i cry. whatever. so i took a drive. i had when i get headaches before i go to sleep, because they carry over to the next day. suckageee.

so much for eating healthy, matt just brought me breakfast.

my dreams have been extremely weird latelyyyy. a couple nights ago i had a dream about jarrod. it was reallhy weird. all i really remember is we were like swimming together, and he was holding me. i was like please dont do this again. everytime i call you never call back and we never hangout out. and he was like, i wont i promise. i love you. and then he kissed me. and then we were going to make cookiess and do a puzzle together? really weirddd. and i had another dream i wanted to add but i forget within like a minuteee. ahhh bummer. i still want to get married. im not letting up.

To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy.

If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her. 

I WILL NEVERRRR SAY NEVER.

i want to see the justin bieber movie now. yahhh.
after my tax return came last thursday, i have 100.00 dollars left. yikes. but i did pay like 500.00 dollars in bills.. actually like 800.00 counting my car payment. so good for me. plus i dont have any bills again for two weeks.

saturday im having lunch with my mom a sister. who would have thought. at least im getting ragazzis out of it. matts helping me so much to deal with everything concerning my mom and sister. ive been breaking down a lot, which i think drives him crazy because he doesnt want to see me upset about something i cant control. he takes such good care of me. oh and i made an appointment for the obgyn on thursday at 9:40. yikes. i hope nothing is wrong but i kind of wish matt was going with me. ohh well. im a biggg girl now. haa.

i need to lose weight, and i need new pants. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
i had something i wanted to write about, but i forgot.