i hate that i never have time to write in this thing anymore, because i think it had a lot to do with my anxiety. when i had somewhere to put my feelings rather than just holding them inside. i am so angry all the time, it really cant be healthy. most of my anger comes from the fact that BJ has completely moved in to my house and like taken over. i cant stress enough how bad it is for matt and i's relationship. i am trying to keep my cool, but it is VERY hard. and i find myself just getting more and more angry everyday. so angry that i dont even want to go home. you keep saying that its OUR house, well act like it.
the past weekend sucked. i did inventory at work friday night until like 10PM then saturday worked 7AM to 4PM. left work and went to my dads house. he cooked us filet mignonnn. ate dinner then i fell asleep on the couch for like 2 hours. then we went home and pretty much went to sleep. april gave me some more clothes so i went through those. i didnt want to go to bed so early because we actually got to have some time alone since bj wasnt there. sunday i was so happy to wake up and it just be matt and i at home. i had so much to do but i just wanted to lay on the couch and watch what i wanted to on the big tv. whatever, i enjoyed just relaxing in the living room.

so a few weekends ago i commited myself to going to gay pride in durham and then going to stephanies party that night. so saturady morning crystal met me and my house and i drove to durham. only to end up standing in the pouring rain. we missed the parade completely and ended up just driving back to stephs house. ate some lunch and just hung out. that night quite a few people ended up coming to the party. it was a lot of fun until john busted up in the door demanding to know where is wife was. BUZZ KILL. they ended up fighting for like 30 min. steph asked her to leave and she didnt.. and then she ruined one of dianes dresses. needless to say its was a really fun night until all that happened. the next morning i drove me and crystal back to my house so she could get her car and then i drove over to larrys moms house to have breakfast. HUNGOVER AS HELL. wahhhh.

work has been so frustrating lately. when we moved into the new building i was promised a position writing express service. that was a position he said i deserved.. almost three months later and i am still sitting behind the receptionist desk. doing the SAME thing. i understand that i should have patience but he promised me a job. i need MORE MONEY. im tired of being broke all the time. i applied for some part time jobs. chuck said he can give me more hours.. which is great. but give me a raise.. im struggling here OBVIOUSLY. and no one understandS why im so upset. i cant ever get ahead and it sucks. not to mention i learned to dispatch.. so now lets see.. i can cashier, write service, answer phones, and dispatch. WHOSE JOB CANT I DO. the only thing i cant do is work on the actual car, and im pretty sure they could train me to do that considering they will train anyone. so why am i like the lowest paid person here.. when i can do ANYONEs job. that makes no sense to me. i feel like i am being used, but i dont know what else to do.