wilddd weekend.

friday i got off work and went straight home. my foster dog was delivered! she is precious. her name is Annie. They brought lots of food, some toys, a crate and bowls and stuff for her. Her and Roxy are having some trouble getting along sometimes. but for the most parts it good. then matt got home and the time warner people came. they didnt fix anything though.. soon after i was in bed. saturday morning i had to work at 7am! since we are moving to the new building next weekend.. crystal and i had lots of files to move! we didnt stop until 4:40PM. we were sooo tiredd. so i went home and just laid on he couch. went over to crystals for a while but i was just too sore and too tired to stay.

matt and larry got up at like 3 in the morning to go get some stupid boat from south carolina. i didnt wake up until like 10:30AM and crystal was ringing my doorbell over and over. so we went out to get some food. we drove around foreverrr then finally decided on Yong Feu Lous. then we went to the dollar tree, and went to some witch like store.. i forget what its called. so then we drove around forever trying to find a good will. and once we did i had to poop soooo bad. so i blew up the bathroom in wendys! HOLLA. hahaha. so after that i went home and just watched tv. then at 11:30PM i was letting the dogs inside and Annie (my foster dog) came inside very slowly and her mouth was extremely swollen. so i woke matt up and he said she probably just licked a frog... but either way to took her to the emergency pet doctor but i couldnt get up with anyone from the foster place. they took her in and said he was bitten by a snakee. yikes.. i finally got up with someone from the humane society and they paid for the treatment and stuff. i had to leave Annie over night.. but i didnt get home until like 3:30AM. so now i am extremely tired.

To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other, suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually. Perhaps you need to bring the same sense of adventure into your existing relationship.

that dream was weird. i never had sex with anyone, but it was still weird. ohh and that explanation up there pretty much just says "you're horny" hahahhaa.

i had a weirddd dream last night. i was out at some like campsite and there were picnic tables and i was on the phone with matt except i had a bluetooth on.. and he was like i really need to tell you something.. and i remember feeling really nervous and then he started talking and it got really loud around me and the phone was breaking in and out and i was so mad because i couldnt hear anything he was saying. and then we got disconnected and i took the bluetooth off and like threw it.

To dream that you are having a telephone conversation with someone your know,  signifies an issue that you need to confront with that person. This issue may have to do with letting go some part of yourself. If  you are put on hold, then the dream is a metaphor for being taken for granted or being unable to freely express yourself.

either wayy, last night when i got off work i drove to crabtree. i got a bathing suit from belk and then met alicia and cam in hallmark. then me, alicia, cam, mikey, matt, and caroline all ate at the cheesecake factory! and it took like foreverrr. but it was sooo good. then we came home and i read some of midnight sun and then went to bed.

all these post secrets explain better than my words can.

i wish i could learn this.

 planking.

i guess my anxeity and depression is getting better. who knows. i cant tell for myself. only the people around me can tell. who really knows how to control it? maybe the medicine will help?

so 32 days until vacation. thank god. saturday night i had a little get together at the house. we made hamburgers, pasta salad, fires, and jalapeno poppers. it was a lot of fun. oh and crystal nieto has started to downward spiral. shes missed so much work. and got in a fight with crystal stanley so stanley slapped her. hahaa. good times. fourth of july was well spent. a good weekend until my anxiety hit.

work isnt really getting better or worse. im just going to work and doing my thing. keeping myself busy. its all i really can do i guess.

oh and i had a dream about my wedding. i was signing autographs it was weirdd!

To wear a wedding dress in your dream, indicates that you are evaluating and assessing your personal relationship.



To dream of a marriage, signifies commitment, harmony or transitions. You are undergoing an important developmental phase in your life.  The dream may also represent the unification of formerly separate or opposite aspects of yourself.  In particular, it is the union of masculine or feminine aspects of yourself. Consider the qualities and characteristics of the person that you are marrying. These are the qualities that you need to look at incorporating within yourself.

 To dream that someone is asking for your autograph, suggests that you are giving your consent or approval to someone. 

To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems.

i'm not trying to be hard to get along with. i wish i knew what was wrong so i could fix it. i feel like im sick, and i feel like ive been sick for a long time. everyone always wants to help but there is nothing they can do. i just feel like im unhappy with everything. i have no money ever. i dont even have enough money to pay the bills that i have. i work so much harder than a lot of people and i get nothing for it. my boss hates me because of my dad. my friends are far away. and the friends that i do have around never want to go out and do anything. im tired all the time. my house is a mess. everything is wrong. and thats as far as my complant goes. because i dont know anything more.

i cried myself to sleep last night.

why does it feel like everyone else always gets what they want. all i was is to get married and have a kid. but why is that? is it because it will make me feel like im actually worth something? because if i have a child it will finally be like i mean something to someone. someone on this planet will actually need me. i think i thrive off of the feeling of bring needed. and im pretty sure thats not a good trait to have. actually none of my traits are good.


ahhhh.

saturday night i came very close to getting a tattoo.. then i chickened out, and the i regreted it. i still wish i would have went through with it.



i swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun

what the hell is my problem?

my dreams are getting the best of me. im tired of dreaming about jarrod. its exhausting. its hard for me to sleep at night, and even harder for me to wake up in the morning. so this morning on my way to work i called Ava. just to talk to her about it. she is deffently on the same page but theres nothing either of us can do about it. its sad. plus i miss ava. i should call her more often.