i can always tell when im upset about something. because dumb bullshit like the movie rent makes me cry. i guess i hurt briens feelings but I didn't mean to, I was just being honest like he asked me to.. that's just how I feel. I'm just glad tomorrows friday. this whole weeks been rough on me. I've been exhausted, went to bed early and still wake up late for work. and I'm not really sure if I'm doing what I want to do. I don't even understand myself, and I don't think I ever will.

but you would think, with all that said that my stress level would slowly lower itself but really it's at an all time high. especially with my mom and my sister. I wish I could understand my mother. the whole situation really hurts my feelings and just pisses me off. Like she can just get away with everything she's done and I have to be the bigger person to just brush it under the rug and pretend everything fine. well it's not. I'm still angry. truth is, I'll always be angry and theres nothing anyone can do about it. not even her. she made way too many mistakes that she can't ever take back. and now her and her whateverrrr are have problems when just a few ago she was fuckin pregnant by him? that's great. get yourself knocked up and then have all this god damn drama on FACEBOOk? where everyone and their moms can see it. how embarrassing. grow the fuck up. get your shit together. because if I could help it, you wouldn't have gotten away with it for this long. pathetic piece of shit. you seriously ruined my life and everyday that I live miserably it's your fault. you created this fuckin battlefield I live on. and your so god damn broke but you can afford to buy Taylor diamond earrings? when did I everrr get anything like that. the money isn't he point, it's the point that I do everything for my fuckin self and the only person who try to help is my father. just because he made something of himself you feel like you have punish him for that? just because you could have had that lifestyle but you fucked YOURSElF over? he wasn't good enough? you needed other people. and you thought you were so sneaky. I was sooo young and I still knew what was going on. too bad you still think its a secret. your such a good role model. and it kills me everyday to know that my sister is just fuckig like you. selfish and pathetic. you SHOULD feel sorry for yourself because you've lost so much tht you will never get back, including your daughter. it's sad that you really could careless.

I think I'm ready to cut ALL ties,
I'm an adult right?
no one can make my choices for me anymore.
and my happiness depends on this choice.


considering now everyone is trying to push anxiety medication on me now. so I can depend on medication for happiness, that's even more pathetic.