its been so long since i wrote in this thing. i dont even know where to start. thanksgiving we got up early and drove to greensboro to matts grandmas house. it was nice. i got to meet his moms side of the family. and everyone was really nice. his aunt came in and just like kissed me on the forehead. hahaa. and his smallest cousin ashlyn was so sweet. i played with her most of the time. then we left there and went to larrys moms. had a good time over there but ate wayyy too much. then i finally had the weekend off. so friday we went to jareds to get my watch fitted! thattt sweet boy got me a watch for christmas and gave it to me early :) but its sooo pretty and he picked it out all by himself! then after work we went to best buy to get my new phone. i let the other one go unpaid and now im just on matts family plan. then i went home and just wrapped some presents. did some stuff around the house. while i was wrapping all the presents matt sat with me. it was nice just spending time together. saturday we got up and went shopping to try to finish all our christmas shopping. so we got everyone done except my parents! then we went over to my dads because he was frying a turkeyyy. sunday i got up real early and had a horrible headache. so i fell back asleep on the couch while matt was outside cleaning the porch and stuff. bless his heart. so i woke up and like 12 and cleaned the kitchen and straighten up the living room. so we went and had lunch then got our christmas tree! and a wreath for over the mantle. so we went my matts mommys to get some ornaments. then we got back to our house, and put the christmas tree inside but we dont have enough lightsss :( so my parents came over for a little bit.. and we just decided to finished the tree on monday. so we watched the carolina game, finished laundry, and larry fried deer meat.

im sooo happy.

drop everything now.

last friday after work me and matt left for his dads house. it was a decent drive, but we took 64 so we skipped all the traffic that was on 40. once we got there we had chicken and pastry! my favoriteeee. and we just watched tv and stuff. saturday we got up and went to eat breakfast at Millers? i think thats what its called. that was really good. then we went to the mall in winston-salem. then we went back to the house and i took a little nap :) haha. we had dinner at this cute little place and it was veryy good. i had shrimp <3 then we watched toy story three! it was sooo good, just kind of sad. sunday matt made us breakfast then we headed home. went by belk to pick up the new pots and pans.

i dont really remember much cause its been so long. one day last week we moved all my clothes and bathroom stuff from my apartment to matts. friday night matt had the state game and he asked if he could drive my car because it would be easier to park than his truck at the rbc center. so i took his truck to go shopping in :) haha, well dollar tree shopping anyways.i had to work saturday. so saturday morning i go out to my car and i have rain guards on my windows! i was so excited. ive been waiting those since i got my car. he never took my car to the rbc center. haha, he left it at honda for dewayne to put the visors on! how cute is he? i love surprisesssss. i had lunch with him and larry at macaroni grill. then after work we drove out to lake gaston to meet up with crystal and john. we got there around nine, and crystal was already trashed. and it wasnt long before i was too. yikeeess. i took 7? shots within like an hour. why? idkkk? hahaha. so i threw up and went to bed at like 11? hahaha. it was fun though. and melissa, and my babyyy sat beside me when i was throwing up. haha. apparently im a calm drunk. i remember matt coming up to the door and i was just like " HEYY, i just threw up " haha then brushing my teeth. lmao. sunday morning we all went to cracker barrell! it had been so long i was happy to eat there. then i played with melissas kids for a while and we drove home.we laid around for a little bit. then took showers and got ready to go to my grandmas. while we were getting ready matt got upset because he lost a pair of pants i guess that are expensive and fit really good or something? so he was like flipping out and yelling. so i yelled back. then i just left the room and waited for him to get done. and he told me he was sorry for yelling and kissed me. he apologized, WOW. i didnt even know what to say because i was in such shock that a guy was apologizing to me. and meant it. so we went to my grandmas, dinner was amazinggg. i cut like a billon coupons from the paper. then we went to HARRIS TEETER. shopping with matt was nerve racking. im not sure why. but he's right. once we get into the swing of things it will be okay.

last night i left work early to take my apartment complex my letter for moving out and my check for the two months rent. then matt and larry came over. and we moved the dining room table and a bunch of stuff. ate dinner at carrabas. then i went home and went to sleep. then matt woke me up at 1AM. ;) ahhhhh.


being in love is such an incredible feeling.

i havent written in a whileee. friday matt had to do inventory until late so i hung out with heather at his house. we ordered pizza and watched the recorded episode of glee. then we went to the store and went to pick up morgan. i took them up to honda to see everyone, then we went to coldstone. saturday me and matt both had to work. it started off as a good day, but got really suckkyyy. i got upset on the way to my parents house about rentt. and matt was so patient with me. and he wanted to talk to me. it was reallyy nice. we had steak for dinner and we just played pool all night. then sunday we went to matts mommys house for lunch! she made vegtable soup. it was reallyyy good. then we rode forewheelers for a while. sooo much fun. now i want one! then we drove back to my parents for the halloween dinner thing. watched everyone trick or treat. then went back to youngsville. monday i didnt go to work. i didnt feel like getting out of bed honestly. like getting up wasnt worth it. plus my whole body was aching. but i got up around lunch time and ate, and cleaned the kitchen and living room and whatever else. its already dirty again, so it doesnt matter. we had applebees for dinner. then tuesday i worked at honda, then maserati. went with matt so he could vote. went to kohls. went to wendys. then got ice cream at lowes.

while matt was inside voting, his phone flashed like dead battery? and it made me so curious. which is weird. i never go through peoples things, especially not phones. but for some reason i haddd to. the only thing that i read was some stuff with kristine. it just hurt my feelings a little bit. i should have neverrr went through his phone. that was sooo wrong on my part. but we talked about it, and worked it out quite easily :) it was nice having someone who just talks about it with you. i was mad, i just wanted to talk.

and about this moving out thing. ahhhh, i dont even know exactly where i stand. i would love nothing more than to live with matt. duhhh! haha. but there is so much more to it. they were there first, and i dont want to move in on anyones space. especially larrys. because thats matts best frannn. plus, i dont want to feel like im the only one keeping the house clean and what not. i dont mind cleaning, but it just seems like no one cares when i do. and is there even room for me in the closet or bathroom? and how long are we going to stay in that house? i cant buy a new house anytime soon. i can barely afford living right now. and what happens if one month im short on rent? i cant run to my dad then. ahhh. its just scary because i love matt, and i dont want anything to get in the way of our relationship.

your lies just made me find the truth in myself.

yesterday i had my doctors appoitment to check up on how i was doing. my daddy couldnt go so matt went with me cause i was nervous and stuff :( we werent in there long. and he just decided to keep me on my same meds and everythingg. i go back in december. so i got to work late. worked at honda. finallyyyy. had lunch with matt and larry at paneraa. yumm. but almost flipped out at all the comotion. then i left at five and met kristyn at starbucks. we stayed for like an hour 1/2. it was nice catching up. because we hadnt seen each other in soo long. then i spilled coffee all down my shirt. hahaha. picked up janine from maserati and drove her to crystals. then we had to go to the store. then i went back to matts to watch the gamee. yeahh right. but i figured i would just hangout anyways. and we had this heateddd discussion about sports. haha, it was fun. i love him so much. state ended up winning. and matt made a gooddd dinner. LOVE MY LIFE.

It's okay, life is a tough crowd

monday i was supposed to have a get together with everyone at my house but i was wayyy too tired. and no one was getting there until like midnight or one. and i was having a terrible day. i was really depressed all day? then on my way to my car i was just messing around with jesse and was like " dont be knocking on the door or playing the drums cause im going home to take a nap " and he really hurt my feelings because i was just joking. so that made me more upset. once i got to matts i just went to sleep. he called at seven when he got off and me and larry were supposed to order pizza. so we ate pizza, larrys friend candace came over and then we went to bed. but he woke me up at like 12 playing with me ;) so we woke up, did it, and i went back to bed. hahaha. it was nicee though.
then yesterday i went home from work and cleaned my apartment, did the laundry, and took a shower. then once matt got home we were going to his sisters house in cary. and he surprised me witht he taylor swift cd! i swear he is the sweetest thing. he is soooo good to me. so we went to his sister robins and she was soo nice. and a really good mom. i liked her a lot. and her son was soo cute. then we ate at jack astors again. went home, and went to sleep.

now my phones screen is all white with a bunch of lines, so im taking it to crabtree at 4:30.
bummm ass phone.

ive never cared about someone so much in my life. he's everything ive ever wanted, AND MORE. <3 sometimes i feel like the word love doesnt even begin to describe how i feel about him.

thursdayyy i went right after work with april to get my nails done for the weddingg. and found out that matt was coming to the wedding ! so after we got our nails done i met matt back at my house and we went to belk because i had to get a gift for taylor. i ended up getting a plate, bowl, and mug. then i met matt over in the pots and pans sections. go figureee. and he's like " dont look at the prices, just pick between these two " and of course i looked at the prices, they were both 200 buckks.. so we are standing there and this old lady comes up to us and just started raddiling off all the crap about the pot and pan sets. so we ended up putting it on layaway to get 15 percent off then i got a belk card to get another belk card. so it wasnt too bad. then we had dinner at jack astors <333 luhhh that place.

friday i left work at 3, went home and got ready for the rehersal dinner. it took us like an hour to get through it all twice. then we had dinner. and it was gooddd. chicken, prime rib, potatos, rolls, salad. yummm. then some of the girls headed back to taylors house but i just drove home.

saturday i got up at 7AM and drove to erwin to the hair place, and like no one was there. but then eric and his brother pulled up and he was like "do you work here?" hahahha, i said ERIC. and then he realized and he gave me some flowers that he got for taylor. SO SWEET. ahhhh. then we all got our hair done. and while jamie was doing my make up there was this women in there who like apparently had throat cancer or something. and she had a hole in her throat talking through one of those things. and jamie was like i wish she would stop talking, its creeping me out! hahaha, she said everyone knows you had cancer. thats hateful, but it was soo funny. once we got to the church we changed and took pictures then we waited for a while. did the wedding and then took soo many pictures after too. went to the reception and saww ava and my honeyy. and they didnt even have real food, just like finger food and i was starvinggg. all i had was breakfast. so we stayed for a while then dipped. went to matts house to pick up clothes. then went to traceys cause it was her birthday! and matts mom was there. she was soooo sweet! i dont know why i was ever worried about her. i feel like we could just hangout. idk, it was nice. then we went to crystals and we had to change into flinestone costumes ! hahaha. it was soo cute and funny. i had a good time, but i was so tired we went home at like 1230.

sunday we got up at like 9. showered together <33 then rode to crystals to get matts phone and my glasses. then had breakfast at sonic : ) then i dropped him off to play golf with my dad. the right after i got back to the apartment caroline got there. so i jumped in the shower and got ready. then alicia got there. we went out to garner to eat logans! then went to target. came back home went to dollar tree. then caroline had to leave for her meetings so me alicia and matt just hungout. then we met zack and amanda in raleigh and we all went to the fair! it was sooo much fun. we had the krispy kreme burger!! yummm. fried cookie dough. corndog. a pickle! fries! and some other crapp. haha. and we just kind of walked around and stuff. sooo much fun. then got ice cream on the way out and they were doing fireworks. so matt and zack watched the fireworks while me and amanda talked. i miss her and zack so much, and we made an agreement to atleast hangout once a month! matt and zack got along really well, they just kept talkinggg. :)


i'm sooo in love.

at least they can say i never give up.

ive come a longgg way in the past few weeks. everything got completely out of control and i had no idea how to handle it. its deffently been building up with my mother and all the other stress and my dad was trying very hard to get me to the doctor for anxiety & stress medicine but i refused. on that wednesday after i found out that brien didnt show up for work and was moving back, everything was crazy. i ended up getting off early and going to the doctor that day. after the doctor i went back to the apartment complex to find all briens stuff packed. i signed a lease to my own apartment and moved everything across the hall within like 2 hours. i love my new apartment, and i love living by myself. the medicine is deffently helping. or either ive just gotten stronger. i dont stress about small things anymore, its great. matt was such a good friend to me throughout it all, even though i probably didnt deserve it. its amazing after all that time, he was still there for me. hes such an incredible person, more than i could ever ask for. our relationship is so much different than anyhing ive ever been in before. he knows exactly how to make me happy, and hes completely honest with me :) even if it hurts my feelinnn. hahaha. i couldnt be happier, i know that much. that boyss too good for mee <3

lucky to be in love with my best friend.

tuesdayy i got off at four and went straight home. i was sooo tired. but casee came over with the two autistic kids she watches during the day. the little girl laura just likes to color but she colors the ENTIRE paper sooo much that its pretty much wax paper. its ridiculous. and then when they were leaving the boy kyle? like got up but wouldnt leave and casee kept saying "lets go, lets go" and he would pretend he was going to cut the tv on, or he would cut it on then cut it right back off. hahahaha. she she finally got him to go. i went to the groccery store to get stuff for breakfast. then right after i got back home casee came back. and we started to watch GLEE but it was a re run ! ahhhh. so we started dinner, then matt got home <33 and we ate, watched the teen mom review thing and then passed out. i was soooo tired.

then wednesday i got off at four and went straight to matts house and went to sleep. then the next thing i rememeber is matt getting home. and apparently jesse was like knocking on the door and stuff? haha, i must have been pretty dead to the world. so jesse and matt cooked dinner, and it was reallyyy good. watched the bounty hunter, then just talked for a while.

my hair is reallyyy soft today? this weekend is really going to suckk. going to get my nails done with april tonight for the wedding on saturdayy. okayyy byeeeeeeee. <3

Gives you something you can do with your hands
Makes you look cool and feel like a man
In the morning you'll probably regret me
Me and your cigarettes

Started young, it's too late to quit
Most call it a bad, bad habit
Your mama told you, you could end up dead with me
Me and your cigarettes

Always there every time you need me
It ain't love, it's just like nicotine
You're addicted to a feeling you can only get
From me and your cigarettes

yesterday i was tired as fuckkk. and i got to work at 8. got off at four. went home did some laundry, took a nap. went to OCHARLEYS with matt, then went to his house and watched pawn stars for like hours. and went to bed.

i honestly wouldnt trade my life for anything. i never thought id be where i am now. i have amazing parents. an amazing boyfriend who im sooo thankful for. hes soo much more than i feel like i deserve. i must have done something really good to deserve him. he's everything ive ever wanted. hes mature, i mean i guess that just comes with age. he can take care of me. he loves me, and he shows it. he has awesome friends, who dont mind me being around. ahhh he can cook :) hahaha. hes responsible. he gets along great with my family, and hes just like my freakinn dad. my dad trusts him completely. hes amazing. i love him. forever.