friday sucked, we argueddd. after having dinner at chilis. i dont even remember what we argued about. but brien called me a bitch. so i just left and went to redbox and got remember me. took it home, watched half of it and fell asleep. saturday i woke up at like nine to go get jake from the vet, and then take him to my parents house. and i said kim and leo after i dropped him off. they were going to the zoo, and landon is sooo big. then i went home and we drove out to the flea market but forgot that its closed all of october because of the fairr. <333. so we went to petsmart. then dropped Utley off and went back to apex to go shopping. then i already had plans to go to crystals but i had no gas plus brien wasnt going. thenn, we had some huge argument because it seemed like brien didnt want me to hangout with him, tyler, and andy, so whatever, they dropped me off at crystals. and i hungout there all nightt. stephanie, her cousin matt, jenn, damon, larry, matt moore, and janine were there. we pretty much just sat my the fire and drank. and janaine was so obnoxiously drunkk. and it was hilarious. matt e apparently said something and it sounded like he was calling her a whore, adn she flipped out. then me, stephanine, matt e, and matt m all went to waffle houseee. lmao. then brien picked me up from there, pissed for no damn reason? then sunday was football, and brien had tyler, andy, and andys brother so i went to crystals. me, crystal, john, janaine, and matt m went to halloween store, then to sallys. i just sat in the truck with matt and john. while crystal and janaine went in. then we went and ate mexican. and went back to crystals house and played dress up, and watched glee. then monday nicole tried to send me to chrysler, and i really didnt want to. so she sent me anyways just to train the other girl. thats a fuckinggg diaster. this girl really was soo annoying. and i end up staying until 12, then going to switchboard until 2, then i had lunch with matt m at the mall, and then closed honda at 7.. matt order pizza after work, so i picked it up and we all went to crystals and watched dawn of the dead. like the old oneee. hahaha. brien was asleep when i got home.. and now im at chrysler AGAIN answer damn phones...
im really sick of all this drama with my mom. she's constiently hurting my feelings. shes the one who made everyone pick sides, and ultimately i had to go with what was better for me. if i continue to talk to her and what not, or if i cut the ties.. either way its going to hurt me. and i can admit that she isnt worth my time, never was. but its not that easy to just dropp your mom. i'd have to explain myself, not that i owe her any explnation. im pretty sure she owes me one. i dont want her at my wedding, i dont want her helping with anythinggg in my future. as a matter of fact, i'll just write off the her whole side of family. its not like i hear from any of them anyways, thanks for the phone calls on my birthday, when i was in bed all dayyyy because i couldnt fucking walk. or sit. they all mean nothing to me. thats harsh, but i dont miss my mom at all. who would? all i need is my dad, stepmom, and friends. they'll have to keep me going, somehow. although come to think of.. i work wayyy more hours a day than my mother. OH and i work monday through saturday most weeks. OH and i drive a 2010 car, brand newww. OH and im 19 years old and do everything for myself. but my 16 year old sister is amazing, never wanting anything?? working hard for everything. she doesnt work hard, and never has for anything she owns. my uncles just handing her a fucking car. and without and job, how is she going to fill up the gas tank. i worked when i was 15 until now. and that apparently means nothing to my mother. whatever. im tired of trying to please her. because it will NEVER be good enough. and thats sad. really sad. dont blame me for ANY of this, because ive tried my best. and im really tired of trying. your worthless, and the best thing my dad did was leave, because you treated him like shit. and he wasnt good enough for you either, apparently. i shouldnt have to live with this anger. and im not going to.. as soon as i figure out how to do that.
and whats wrong with me and brien. its constant fighting. im sooo sick of arguing with him. maybe once again its my fault? because maybe im not fit for a relationship. i cant be sure. im not sure of anything. i dont know what to do to make myself happier. how ridiculous.. its my own life but i dont know how to make it better. it makes no sense. i dont even know whats making me unhappy. is it brien? is it work? is it me not being in school? i wish i knew.
i talked to christine yesterday, and today. and i feel a lot better.
dont give me options..
